Luckily for me, I am not Jewish. Not that Jews are bad people, but I have a hard time trusting a religion that tells me "hey don't eat pig because it's unholy". Fuck you rabi, I will eat my ribs, sandwich, or bacon whenever I want and if that sends me to hell - sign my ass up.
Now let me clear this up. My rant is not about Jewish people and their lack of love for the hog. People do crazy things in the name of religion and I get that. Jonah sat inside the belly of a whale, Ghandi didn't eat food for days, and mormon women wear those goofy looking panties. But why single out the pig?
So I'm going to make a little proclamation of my own. FUCK LETTUCE! That's right, lettuce is fucking pointless and serves no general purpose in society.
Let me be the first to vow to not eat lettuce. That's something I can give up completely and stand firmly behind. Who will miss the taste of crunchy water that is only edible when you cover it with caesar dressing and croutons? Not me.
I'll eat my pork, and become obese and eventually die of a heart attack. That's better than living until your 96 with arthritis and eating salads for lunch so that the hot cashier at Whole Foods will want to suck your dick. Pssh that bitch makes $5.65 an hour, who needs that.
1 comment:
That was brilliant. My hat's off.
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